Seriously, how do you get past a miscarriage? Someone died that you already loved more than you knew was possible. It’s not gonna be easy.
But you have to move on. You probably have to go to work. And you might have other kids you need to take care of. So how do you do it?
Actually, after the physically healing, diving right back into your routine is probably the best thing you can do. I’m not going to talk about what is right and wrong (because there’s neither of either!) I’m just going to talk about how I’m doing it. Literally. Right Now.
How I’m Coping
Actually, I don’t think I’m coping well. My husband and I don’t talk about it much and my mom says I need to do something so it doesn’t happen again. Both situations make me sad.
Ignoring things like what my mom said – that’s a huge coping mechanism. And it’s totally fine!
This probably sounds bad, but for now, while I’m still healing physically and emotionally, avoiding the subject is working for me. I still update my husband after my doctor appointments, but that’s about it. I’m not ready to have the deep discussion about continuing to try, so it’s better that I just let things go unsaid, at least for now.
Talk to Someone
Like I said, I’m not talking much about it with my husband, but I am talking with a close girlfriend. Try not to bottle it up inside. Even journaling about your feelings is sort of like talking to someone. It’s mostly about acknowledging how you’re feeling.
Understanding What I’m feeling
I think a lot of what I’m feeling is remorse, for what happened, but also for what probably won’t happen in my future. It’s true, more kids probably isn’t in my future, but I was happy before when I didn’t know.
That’s the discussion I will have with my husband at some point, but until I’m fully ready for the disappointment of his response, I have no business bringing up the subject!
I have been reading more about pregnancy in your 40’s and the statistics scare me! I need to really evaluate why I think I want more kids, and decide if we’re prepared for it. The rate of birth defects goes up dramatically into your 40’s and I don’t know if it’s worth the risk.
There are so many different ways I can prepare…
- My weight
- My cellular health (yes, very specific! I’ll bring this in another post!)
- The health and well-being of my kids and my husband
- All of our emotional well-being
- My kids educational development
These are all things that I can focus on to take my mind off of what’s going on inside my body. By working on my weight (I want to drop 10-20 pounds), I am preparing myself to be healthier in the event that we do try again, or that I accidentally get pregnant again. But it’s not exclusive of that. It will make me happy!
On the other hand, if I eat more vegetables, and offer more vegetables to my family, the quality of my eggs and my husbands sperm will be better. But again, not exclusive! WE’LL also be healthier!
All of these things will make me happy! And my husband too!
Focused Time With My Kids
When my husband gets home from work, I’m sometimes exasperated from trying to work from home and take care of the kids at the same time. I know that’s not going to make him a fan of adding another screaming baby to the mix!
I’m a Virtual Assistant for about 25 hours per week. Stay at home moms don’t usually work at the same time! So we know our kids aren’t getting the kind of attention from me that they should get for having mommy at home with them.
So I’m trying to have more focused time with them. My daughter is doing really well spelling her 10-letter name – which she’s been doing for awhile now! But now she’s writing it, and I’m helping her hold the pen better so she has more control. It’s little things, but seeing progress in them makes me feel like I’m doing something right.
A lot of my coping with my miscarriage comes down to my feelings. I’m doing whatever feels good and right at the moment to get through it. I think the best advice I can pass on is to give yourself time and space to grieve. You simply have to do that to get past this loss. And there is no right or wrong way.
Remember to acknowledge your feelings.
I still have my moments. I’m literally still waiting for my 1st period since my miscarriage in early May. I’m sure once that happens, my hormones will be more adjusted and I’ll feel more like normal.
If this is something you’re going through too, I’m so sorry! I’m praying for all the grieving mommas and families. My heart goes out to all of us!